Inspiration for the New Year

My New Year's Eve tradition is to watch The Poseidon Adventure, the 1970s adventure movie that takes place on New Year's Eve/Day. In bad years, it reminds me that someone always has it worse than I do at that moment. Every year, it delivers a few inspirational messages to me that are positive ways to start out a year:

1) Have hope. Hope keeps the characters going throughout the movie. In my own life, I have to make sure I also always have sight of the engine room to buoy me through the challenges that it takes to get to it. I had a few days at the end of the year where I lost sight of the engine room. Interestingly, I spent those days trying to look for my proverbial engine room, even though I wasn't quite sure what I was actually looking for. Thankfully, a few days ago I was able to regain sight of it, although I'm still not quite sure why Experience X was the factor that gave me hope when Experiences A - W, which were remarkably similar to X, did not.

2) Keep trying. In the movie, the closer the characters get to the end goal, the greater the trials they have to overcome to reach it. At one point in the movie, one of the characters easily reaches the engine room. However, when he attempts to lead the group there, a whole new set of obstacles end up in their path. In a matter of ten minutes, the entire landscape changes and requires everyone to regain their bearings. In my own journey right now, I see a lot of people easily reaching my engine room and I wonder why my own struggle seems so much harder. But, in this instance, it's better to spend energy trying to tackle the current challenges set in front of me rather than wonder why things seem to work out more easily for others.

I do recognize that sometimes the challenges do come from within (I call this the "the caller is inside the house!" moment), but I've spent the time examining my current challenges and realize that the problems aren't me -- they're environmental factors that I have to overcome to get to my engine room.

3) Life always matters very much. I had an interesting experience over this last week. My mom always gave perspective on tough situations by saying, "Just wait. In six months, things will be better." A couple of months ago, I rationalized working through my current challenges by saying that if they weren't resolved within six months, I could kill myself and be done with the struggle. Two weeks ago, I thought the universe had miraculously worked everything out. A week ago, I realized that wasn't true...and my deadline was fast approaching.

Yesterday was supposed to be the last day of my life. But, as has happened numerous times, through numerous "bottoms" that I've hit, I found hope in my situation. And life will continue on. Again, I don't fully understand how I can find things so hopeless and hopeful at the same time, but I know that it's not my time to go yet. I want to continue to make things better for myself and continue to bring good things into my life.

Today, I'm grateful for saying "yes" to opportunity, including going to a very fun dance at a sobriety club. I have not been in a recovery support environment in decades, but the supportive environment was just what the doctor ordered. While I don't have issues with drugs or alcohol, I am 16 years in recovery from an eating disorder and find the recovery community to be "my tribe." It was nice to be able to have fun and be awkward with people who were doing the same thing. And I met someone patient enough to help me partner swing dance. Partner dancing is one of my biggest fears because I have trouble with leading/following -- and I met it head on. W00T!