tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-203068642024-03-14T05:01:20.124-04:00Life as a LefthanderThe almost-famous blog of Madame Sinister. Now in version 3.0.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-26168233852993181282013-02-06T05:59:00.001-05:002013-02-06T05:59:25.995-05:00Interesting PerspectiveYesterday at the gym, my instructor made the comment, "That little voice in your head can tell you positive or negative things. You have to train it to say the right things to you."<br />
<br />
For me, these blog entries are designed to help me remember to stay positive and keep a good perspective on life.<br />
<br />
To help me in the initial stages of returning to the workforce in a new industry, I have a message written on my mirror: "One day at a time. Do your best." I see it before I head to work every morning. I try to internalize it as I get overwhelmed with the new jargon, procedures and people.<br />
<br />
I've never written stuff on my bathroom mirror before. But, this is a year of great changes. I'm not 100% sure where I'll end up at the end of 2013, but I want it to be a better place than I have been the last six years of my life.<br />
<br />
In the evening, I also remind myself that this isn't my first industry shift. It's just my first industry shift in a while. I have to remind myself that most aspects of job life are not mastered in a single day. I will make mistakes. As long as I make different ones, I'm improving (I got that sentiment from a January 2013 <i>This American Life </i>on self-improvement).<i></i> Everything will come together for me; it just takes time.<br />
<br />
Today I'm grateful for all of the new things that I have to learn. As overwhelming as it can seem at times, it's helping to keep my brain young (which is a nice antithesis to the gray hairs sprouting up around it :P).Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-13470812643486520542013-02-02T08:26:00.001-05:002013-02-02T08:26:26.020-05:00What I Learned After Being Employed for 1 WeekApparently, it's detrimental to a blog-three-times-a-week goal :-)<br />
<br />
It took me a few days to get back into the swing of structuring a day around 8 hours of committed time (plus commute). To keep my sanity, I decided to eliminate all extracurriculars for the week and instead focus on catching up on sleep and getting back into the 9-to-5 routine.<br />
<br />
By Friday, I had regained my confidence, realizing that I am once again a productive member of society.<br />
<br />
Posting may be light over the next couple of weeks, but I hope to get back to a 3X posting schedule within a few weeks.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-6315896054687488242013-01-24T08:24:00.003-05:002013-01-24T08:24:40.728-05:00What I learned by being unemployed for 7 monthsFirst, I have to do a little victory dance -- I accepted an offer of employment and will be rejoining the workforce soon.<br />
<br />
Here's what I learned from my personal journey through unemployment. Your results may vary.<br />
<br />
<b>1. Being let go from a job was not a personal judgment about me. It was also not a reflection on my professional performance. </b><br />
<br />
<b>2. It happens to "everybody." </b>When I first lost my job, many people (more than I
thought) gave me words of encouragement because they had been in my
shoes -- long-term unemployed. Six months. Eight months. A year. All in a
geographic area commutable to several Tier 1 (ie metropolitan) cities
and many Tier 2 (ie large) cities. These were good people. Hard-working
and intelligent. They were my inspiration. In this economy, lengthy job gaps are not a death sentence for finding meaningful future employment.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Unemployment is a serious test of mental and emotional fortitude. </b>The experience is isolating and depressing. I needed to force myself to get out and network or see friends, especially on the days when I felt like staying in PJs all day. Also, I made it a rule to not wear sweats/PJs during the day unless I were going to the gym. I had been through unemployment previously, so I had a decent emergency fund available to me, but other friends in the same boat struggled with the emotional stress of financial challenges as well.<br />
<br />
<b>4. It's also great for the waistline.</b> Between reduced stress, ability to work out regularly and having time to cook more meals at home, I lost 10 pounds and improved my muscle definition.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>5. It gets better. </b>The hard work will pay off. I tuned out all media coverage on unemployment because it seemed to focus on the impossibility of getting a job, which is the exception, rather than the rule. I was able to get to know myself better over these 7 months, make better decisions for my future, and realize that work should not be the be-all-end-all of my existence. I had job interviews within a few months, job offers within a few months (which I turned down because they weren't the right fit for me) and, now, a successful emergence from unemployment.<br />
<br />
Looking back, my unemployment came at a good time for me -- personally and professionally. Personally, I was able to be available for my family during a very big transition. I was also able to use the time to realize that, as much as I didn't think I was, I centered a lot of my life around my job. Professionally, I was able to re-assess my goals to get a clear picture of where I would like to be in 5 or 10 years.<br />
<br />
Today I am grateful for my last few days of "free time" before I get back to the routine of a 9-to-5 gig. I'll be getting my naps and movie-watching in while I can :-)Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-29650043579537822322013-01-20T07:15:00.001-05:002013-01-20T07:15:35.352-05:00Can You Choose Success?I read an article (and, apologies, I forget where it was online) about how entrepreneurs motivate themselves to success by simply "choosing not to fail."<br />
<br />
Is it that simple?<br />
<br />
The article's premise is that, if you have a singular goal (ie the success of your business), then failure is not an option.<br />
<br />
Based on the failure rate of businesses, I don't think a myopic view of any goal is the simple path to success. I did watch a documentary, <i>The Queen of Versailles</i>, that detailed the struggles of a businessman who was pinned the success of his entire company on the launch of one new business unit. I could see the drive discussed in the "choose not to fail" article in this documentary; however, the documentary included interviews with people involved with the company who shared the perspective that the business overall would be successful if the owner stopped focusing on the success of the one business unit and simply let that part fail.<br />
<br />
I agree that you have a choice between success and failure. I think, however, that to "choose not to fail," you need to have a broad goal. You don't want to be the dry leaf -- changing course without purpose -- but you also don't want to be so stuck to a myopic vision that provides limited opportunity for success.<br />
<br />
To bring things back to the job hunt (as that's where most of my energy is focused these days), my biggest goal when I became unemployed was to find unemployment that made the most of my previous work experience and provided a work culture that fit me. Specifically, I took a risk six years ago to stay at a company where I did not fit with the corporate culture so I could accrue experience in higher level management. Working in that type of environment was emotionally tiring (I didn't realize how much until I wasn't in it anymore!). I did not want to take a job below a management level because I felt (and still feel) that it would have meant those six years of emotional stress were for nothing. I also never want to put myself in a situation again where I discount the importance of cultural fit to my overall work experience (or think that, with enough positive attitude, I can change a culture from the inside without being the owner or president/CEO of a company). If I can't invent a time machine to make different choices, then I need to make the choices that I made count.<br />
<br />
My goal was singular enough to focus my efforts, but not so myopic as to limit my opportunities. Depending on the size and complexity of an organization, management positions can be several levels deep. After reflection, I didn't feel that I needed to stay at my same level of management because, depending on the organization, a lower level of management may more directly correlate to my level of experience. While I have some experience, and a lot to offer an employer or client base (if I chose to go into business for myself), I'm not so short-sighted as to think that I have nothing more to learn.<br />
<br />
I also knew that my interviews needed to be two-way -- I needed to grill any company that I met with about culture and leadership to ensure that I would feel that I fit the organization when I walked in on Day 1. I also needed to pay attention to my gut throughout the process. With my most recent work experience, there were numerous points prior to employment where I knew that the company would not be a cultural fit for me; I discounted those misgivings and rationalized the interactions. In the end, my gut was right.<br />
<br />
Based on my goal choice, I am able to say that "failure is not an option." My goal is not limited geographically or by industry. If I need to make a calculated geographic or industry move to achieve the goal, then I will.<br />
<br />
Today, I am grateful for getting one of the last flu shots at my grocery store and that the flu shot this year is on target for the strain(s) of flu going around. This is my first-ever flu shot. Seeing how severe the flu outbreak is in my area, and the fact that the immunization is on target for the specific strain being spread, I finally decided to bite the bullet. (Interestingly, my great-grandmother died of the flu; you would think that the experience, which left my grandfather motherless at a rather young age, would make me more attuned to the severity of the illness and the necessity for prevention, but...no...until now!)Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-58203480011372968742013-01-16T07:59:00.000-05:002013-01-16T08:09:50.211-05:00Are you a wet leaf or a dry leaf?In high school, one of my teachers gave an extemporaneous life lesson to my class. It's an image that has stuck with me for *mumble mumble* years.<br />
<br />
She told us that we have to decide if we are going to be wet leaves or dry leaves in life. A dry leaf is carried by the wind, directionless. A wet leaf sticks and is difficult to move.<i> </i>Her closing statement, "Do you want to be pushed by anything, or stand for something?"<br />
<br />
I've never been swayed much by negative peer pressure. Throughout my life, I've been fortunate to surround myself with people who provide positive peer pressure and, while they may present negative options from time to time, never make participation in negative activities a requirement for friendship. The idea of being "pushed by anything" didn't feel like an option to me.<br />
<br />
The perspective that I've gained over the last *mumble mumble* years is that peer pressure isn't the only way to be "pushed by anything." I was looking at tornadoes and disregarding the light breezes. Apathy and rejection have been the light breezes that, at times, dried my leaf.<br />
<br />
I've written before that I am very motivated. My natural state is "wet leaf." I want to make life happen for myself. I do my best to accomplish goals and put myself in the path of opportunity. <br />
<br />
However, during very difficult times, I've been lulled by the dry leaf siren song. It's easier to do nothing and just see where you end up. Then, you're not responsible for what's going on in your life. You are simply life's victim. Sometimes problems have no solution.<br />
<br />
Except...at my core, as much as I would like for life to be easier, I don't believe in being a victim of life's circumstance. I don't believe that there is a life problem that I can't solve. Granted, I may not like the potential solutions that I come up with or that I may hear from trusted advisers, but "doesn't like" isn't the same as "doesn't exist." Also, having been through very difficult times before, and having come out the other side, I know that sometimes the hardest decisions are the starting point of the most positive change.<br />
<br />
I work in a very competitive field. Knowing this, in college, I cold-called businesses in my local chamber of commerce directory seeking summer internship opportunities. (Unlike today, when I was in college, most businesses did not advertise internship opportunities) Did I like cold-calling? No, and I still don't! But, I had an end goal and knew that even though I didn't like what I was doing, it was giving me an advantage in the future job market.<br />
<br />
In middle school, "everyone" was getting school jackets. At age 10, I was too young to be taken seriously as a paid babysitter and my family didn't have money to buy an expensive jacket that I would outgrow within a year or two. So, I did what I could do -- I wrote a children's story and sent it to <i>Highlights </i>Magazine in the hopes of getting published and making enough money to buy my own jacket. (I didn't get published, but I did receive a very nice "we'll keep your story on file for potential use in another issue" letter that I still have today)<br />
<br />
Today, I'm faced with similar challenges. There are parts of getting through my current challenge that I don't like. But, they are the steps to an end goal that I know exists. So, I focus on the goal, rather than the uncomfortable steps of the process, and re-wet my leaf.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm grateful for the VS Semi-Annual sale that I stumbled upon at the mall. I love fun foundational garments, and I love rooting through the sale bins to see what's available, even if they're not things I will end up buying. I'm also grateful that I can get as much pleasure from window shopping, and knowing that cute/fun things exist as I can from actually owning those items.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-64225239119140984702013-01-12T13:23:00.000-05:002013-01-12T13:23:11.898-05:00Pool SongsI took advantage of some of the nice weather this week and walked around my neighborhood listening to my iPod.<br />
<br />
Chicago's
"I Don't Want to Live Without Your Love" came on and I smiled. It was
what my siblings and I refer to as a "pool song," a song that was in
heavy rotation during the summers when we were at the local pool.<br />
<br />
With
the exception of Billy Ocean's "Get Out of My Dreams and Into My Car,"
"pool songs" are pretty depressing songs. Yet, every time I hear them,
they make me smile because they remind me of happy, relaxing times with
my friends and family. John Waite's "Missing You" always makes me think
of diving off of the diving board. It was the only place where you could
actually hear the songs being played poolside, beyond the low and high
notes.<br />
<br />
Ah, life -- all about perspective.<br />
<br />
In
a larger context, I can look back on rough times in my life (present
time included) and realize that, overall, the experience made me a
better person, and are things that I should appreciate. Without
everything that I'm going through now, I probably would have lost myself
completely as a person because I was trying to make something work that
was never going to work. It took me about six months to recover from
six years of awful; while I'm not 100% yet, I keep getting closer to
that every day. And, I don't know that the recovery would have been
possible without being abruptly thrown from the life I was living at the
time.<br />
<br />
Today I'm grateful for nice weather in the
middle of the winter. I'm enjoying the sunshine and looking forward to
taking advantage of the nice weather tomorrow, possibly by going to the
playground with my niece.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-71123013212657684992013-01-09T08:00:00.000-05:002013-01-09T08:00:17.008-05:00More thoughts on a meaningful lifeOne of the other big thoughts that stuck with me from Rabbi Kushner's book was this quote from the Talmud: <i>In the world to come, each of us will be called to account for all the good things God put on earth which we refused to enjoy.</i><br />
<br />
The quote provides an interesting perspective: instead of looking at choices in terms of morality, the quote invites you to look at choices in terms of meaning.<br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
I consider myself (and the majority of people) a moral person. I'm not going to, for example, have to seriously think about whether I would rather go to work or sit in a dark alley shooting up heroin.<br />
<br />
So the idea that, at the end of my life, Saint Peter and I will go over an audit of my moral failings doesn't really give me a direction to live. Yes, I come across moral crossroads from time to time (ie do I give change to this "homeless" person? Is the person really homeless?), but, in terms of life satisfaction, I need a different guidepost.<br />
<br />
I find that this quote from the Talmud gives me a better direction in terms of day-to-day choices. (It also plays well into Catholic and Jewish guilt, as having to witness all of the times where I could have been happy and chose unhappiness would be depressing, especially if it also involved hurting other people)<br />
<br />
For example, in my working life, I've given up vacation time in exchange for money. I've been on vacation and felt compelled to check in with the office.<br />
<br />
That type of situation is the one where the Talmud, to me, gives perspective. What enjoyable things am I giving up today in exchange for things that may or may not give me pleasure in the future?<br />
<br />
At my job where I was paid for unused vacation time, out of about two weeks of vacation, I would use a few days, and get an extra paycheck for the year in exchange for my unused time. The extra money did serve my need for financial security and provided some buffering for my emergency fund. BUT...it also burnt me out on my job a lot faster than if I had taken the vacation time and spent it recharging.<br />
<br />
The Talmud quote keeps me more "in the moment." I am a goal-oriented person, and I try to make decisions that set me up for future success. Sometimes "future success" can be nebulous. If I don't have a clear vision of where I'm going, then why sacrifice current happiness to get to that unknown destination?<br />
<br />
Because of my need for security, I need to have hard answers to the following areas of my life:<br />
1) Where do I want to go with my career?<br />
2) What are my health/fitness goals?<br />
3) How much of an emergency fund is enough?<br />
4) What do I need to save for retirement?<br />
<br />
(Full disclosure, I don't have hard answers to all of these questions, but I'm working on them!)<br />
<br />
With those questions answered, I have the perspective to see the good things put on this earth for me to enjoy, like my family and friends. (OK, at this point, I guess I also have to disclose that my interpretation may not be the Rabbinical interpretation of the Talmud quote. However, as I've stated before, I'm very Type A, and I have difficulty just letting life happen to me. More on this in a future post.) <br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
One of my friends put it best during a breakfast conversation, "I'll never look back on my life and regret the time that I spent with my family. I'll never say, 'I wish I did X rather than spend time with my kids.'"<br />
<br />
Today I am grateful for the time yesterday that I spent making empanadas. One of my goals is to get better at cutting foods uniformly (onions, vegetables for cooking), and my onions were pretty awesome in this recipe. I also think I perfected the technique for prepping the filling, the shell and and the frying to minimize the stress of the entire preparation process.<br />
<br />
I am also grateful that I have FINALLY (FINALLY!) started working through the large collection of scented candles that I have. My goal, at some point, is to have 1 large candle and 1 box of tea lights. I'm not there yet, but I'm 1 box of tea lights and 1 large candle down! Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-91990896029173520272013-01-07T07:44:00.002-05:002013-01-07T07:44:10.241-05:00The meaning in lifeOne of the books I read last year was Harold Kushner's <i>When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough</i>.<br />
<br />
I find that Rabbi Kushner is a good resource for me when I'm going through major life events.<br />
<br />
One of my takeaways from this book was: <i>A life of meaning is achieved not by a few great, immortal deeds, but by a lot of little ones.</i><br />
<br />
Sometimes I get focused on having one big splash -- being the next Steve Jobs, inventing a vaccine, etc. -- and that just frustrates me. Heck, I would posit that even Steve Jobs didn't think he was going to be "Steve Jobs." By focusing on one HUGE thing, which, to be honest, I'm not even working toward at the moment (to my knowledge), I simply set myself up for failure that I'm not good enough. <br />
<br />
By looking at the little things that I do each day, I stay focused on the things that matter to me (which, right now, is not national or international fame). I may never invent the next iPod, but I have put together a jingle for my nephew that makes him smile when I sing it to him after naps. I share my story of recovery with friends who are starting on their journey to give them an addictive personality's "it gets better" goal. I serve as a positive role model for students. I work on staying positive about my own journey each day, and most days (at least this year), I'm succeeding.<br />
<br />
It's important for me to remember that the little things I do make a positive difference in people's lives and help them grow to be better people, just as I'm trying to grow to be a better person.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm grateful for my tenacity, which has been something I've really had to rely on lately.<br />
<br />Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-49896946441676433142013-01-05T12:15:00.003-05:002013-01-05T12:15:27.356-05:00Change ManagementWhile I've gone through Dale Carnegie training twice (once unofficially and once officially), I read his books before participating in the DC program.<br />
<br />
The books made a lot of sense to me.<br />
<br />
<i>How to Stop Worrying and Start Living</i> presents the concept of realizing what things are within and what things are outside of your control, and only worrying about things that are within your control.<br />
<br />
Right now in my life, I feel like a lot of things are outside of my control. It is a frustrating place to be because that frustration comes from worrying about things that I can't change.<br />
<br />
"Don't worry about the things you can't change" is easier said than done. One of my struggles with that adage is that I usually spend a lot of time looking for something that I can affect within the situation.<br />
<br />
What I find is that, as complicated as I try to make things, it's pretty easy to determine, within a given situation, what you have in your power. I can look up and down to find a loophole that lets me control everything, but, at the end of the day, the things I can control are those obvious items that I immediately identified when a situation presented itself. For better or worse, I'm still working on remembering that when new challenges cross my path!<br />
<br />
I can't control everything, but there are certain things that I can do to keep my mind off of the things that I can't control and help me feel better about life in general.<br />
<br />
I make my bed every morning. Clutter (and I feel unmade beds look cluttered) make me feel out of control in my personal environment. Keeping a tidy bed, and a tidy house, helps keep me in a positive mental space.<br />
<br />
I do what I can do to the best of my ability. I don't have Carnegie's book with me, but I'm pretty sure that's one of the tenets of <i>How to Stop Worrying</i>. If the only thing that I can control is what I do, then I want to make sure I don't leave room for mistakes in those items.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm grateful for social plans that helped keep me from ruminating on the things that I can't control, and good friends who take my mind off of bad situations.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-45754801944264067492013-01-01T08:21:00.002-05:002013-01-02T19:53:03.230-05:00Inspiration for the New YearMy New Year's Eve tradition is to watch <i>The Poseidon Adventure</i>, the 1970s adventure movie that takes place on New Year's Eve/Day. In bad years, it reminds me that someone always has it worse than I do at that moment. Every year, it delivers a few inspirational messages to me that are positive ways to start out a year:<br />
<br />
1) <b>Have hope.</b> Hope keeps the characters going throughout the movie. In my own life, I have to make sure I also always have sight of the engine room to buoy me through the challenges that it takes to get to it. I had a few days at the end of the year where I lost sight of the engine room. Interestingly, I spent those days trying to look for my proverbial engine room, even though I wasn't quite sure what I was actually looking for. Thankfully, a few days ago I was able to regain sight of it, although I'm still not quite sure why Experience X was the factor that gave me hope when Experiences A - W, which were remarkably similar to X, did not.<br />
<br />
2) <b>Keep trying. </b>In the movie, the closer the characters get to the end goal, the greater the trials they have to overcome to reach it. At one point in the movie, one of the characters easily reaches the engine room. However, when he attempts to lead the group there, a whole new set of obstacles end up in their path. In a matter of ten minutes, the entire landscape changes and requires everyone to regain their bearings. In my own journey right now, I see a lot of people easily reaching my engine room and I wonder why my own struggle seems so much harder. But, in this instance, it's better to spend energy trying to tackle the current challenges set in front of me rather than wonder why things seem to work out more easily for others.<br />
<br />
I do recognize that sometimes the challenges do come from within (I call this the "the caller is inside the house!" moment), but I've spent the time examining my current challenges and realize that the problems aren't me -- they're environmental factors that I have to overcome to get to my engine room.<br />
<b></b><br />
3) <b>Life always matters very much.</b> I had an interesting experience over this last week. My mom always gave perspective on tough situations by saying, "Just wait. In six months, things will be better." A couple of months ago, I rationalized working through my current challenges by saying that if they weren't resolved within six months, I could kill myself and be done with the struggle. Two weeks ago, I thought the universe had miraculously worked everything out. A week ago, I realized that wasn't true...and my deadline was fast approaching.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was supposed to be the last day of my life. But, as has happened numerous times, through numerous "bottoms" that I've hit, I found hope in my situation. And life will continue on. Again, I don't fully understand how I can find things so hopeless and hopeful at the same time, but I know that it's not my time to go yet. I want to continue to make things better for myself and continue to bring good things into my life.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm grateful for saying "yes" to opportunity, including going to a very fun dance at a sobriety club. I have not been in a recovery support environment in decades, but the supportive environment was just what the doctor ordered. While I don't have issues with drugs or alcohol, I am 16 years in recovery from an eating disorder and find the recovery community to be "my tribe." It was nice to be able to have fun and be awkward with people who were doing the same thing. And I met someone patient enough to help me partner swing dance. Partner dancing is one of my biggest fears because I have trouble with leading/following -- and I met it head on. W00T!Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-56834118632376279232012-12-29T08:05:00.001-05:002012-12-29T08:05:29.569-05:00Put on a Happy FaceYesterday I got a real blow to my ego, which threw me into a funk.<br />
<br />
Surprisingly, an innocuous conversation about Lowe's got me out of it. Just putting my mind on other things helped.<br />
<br />
Nothing will help the situation that I'm in right now except for time. So, my lesson for the day is "never underestimate the power of distraction."<br />
<br />
Today I'm grateful for the friends who helped me get my mind out of an unproductive situation and onto more productive topics.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-45509114730285242222012-12-28T10:28:00.003-05:002012-12-28T10:28:21.577-05:00New Year ResolutionsI'll be taking my Christmas tree down this weekend, and I would like to put a new intention in the New Year's ornament for 2013.<br />
<br />
I'm a big fan of measurable goals; I find that they're the easiest to work toward, since you can actually construct a plan of attack.<br />
<br />
Of course, they also mean acknowledgement of a weakness, which is something that I'm not that great at. I can acknowledge weaknesses; I just prefer not to do it on paper.<br />
<br />
However, I have to admit that my life has not gone in a good direction over the last five years. There are positives, but there are also plenty of areas for improvement.<br />
<br />
I think getting a new job will be the first boost to my self esteem, but I can't count on that in the new year (at least, not immediately).<br />
<br />
What I can count on, and what I'll be tucking away to see how I do with next year is:<br />
<br />
1) Putting up at least 3 positive blog entries a week. I really want to be more mindful of the things that I have that are positive in my life. And I'd like to be less work-focused, so not having a job is actually a positive in this regard.<br />
<br />
2) Saying "yes" to opportunity. I am very inclined to stay in my shell. Things aren't going to change for me for the better until I get out of it. So, unless there's a real reason to say "no" to something, I want to say "yes" and see what happens. At the least, it will be in an interesting adventure.<br />
<br />
Today I'm grateful for all of the positive people who I have met over the last year. They're the people I hope to be more like in the coming year.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-1778979908559753502012-12-22T14:43:00.002-05:002012-12-22T14:43:58.456-05:00It's not the end of the worldI didn't plan on taking almost a week off of my blog. I was waylaid with some sickness that has been going around. It's amazing how much energy your body uses to produce mucus.<br />
<br />
I want to do a quick entry on one of the things that I've been most thankful for over the past six months.<br />
<br />
It seems that whenever I hit a very dark point over these last six months, I would end up babysitting my niece and she would read me <i>Corduroy</i>, the story of a bear who is loved by a little girl and, even though he's not perfect, is brought home from the department store because she loves him. Something about the combination of the earnestness with which my niece would "read" the book (she's too young to actually read, but has the whole story memorized) and the story itself always made me feel better about whatever emotional place I was at when she decided to read to me.<br />
<br />
<i>Corduroy</i> time is going to be one of my enduring memories.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-82718997291478844392012-12-14T08:32:00.000-05:002012-12-14T08:32:17.588-05:00Lessons from InvestingThe reason I started investing was to help me learn to read balance sheets. I figured that if I had some skin in the game, I would be more vested in following the assets and liabilities of a company.<br />
<br />
While I never did learn to be interested in balance sheets (I can follow them well enough; I apparently confused "understanding" and "find interesting" when I decided I needed to be more vested in them), I have learned something from the required disclosure that accompanies every investment document I've ever received, usually worded one of two ways: <i>Past performance is not a guarantee of future return</i> or <span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Historical performance does not predict future returns</i>.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;">The past doesn't define the future. As with investing, in life, there's a fundamental groundwork that can help define future possibilities, but there's no set path.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;">As companies are required to state it:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;"></span></span><br />
<i>A variety of factors, many of which are beyond direct control, affect operations, performance, business strategy and results and
could cause the actual results, performance or achievements
to be materially different from any future results, performance or
achievements.</i><br />
<br />
In short, the best laid plans can be undermined by a random factor. The important things in life are: 1) to have your fundamentals straight so you can figure out how to get back on course if you are derailed; and 2) to remember that your past doesn't fully define your future.<br />
<br />
I had a wonderful heart-to-heart with a friend who had gone through similar professional experiences as me. Both of us acknowledged that our resumes probably shouldn't exist according to conventional wisdom. Both of us have had the misfortune of being laid off during tough economic times, and have successfully navigated the job market to find new opportunities. <br />
<br />
We did not let our past determine our future. Instead, we looked at our fundamental beliefs about ourselves and where we wanted to be professionally and leveraged our experience and opportunity to get to those places.<br />
<br />
One of the biggest tricks that I've used to keep in mind that past performance doesn't indicate future returns is to stop reading job market/unemployment "news" coverage. It's easy to get discouraged about my past based on the biased human interest stories about John or Jane Doe, who haven't been able to find a job for years or who have experienced discrimination for being "long-term unemployed." But, that takes my focus off of <i>my</i> fundamentals.<br />
<br />
Instead, I look at the performance of people with similar fundamentals as me -- people who I know, who I can ask for advice. They are the people who, if the "news" is to be believed, are beating the odds. They keep me apprised of actual challenges, either in the area or the industry, so I can adjust my plans to accommodate those factors and achieve my future success.<br />
<br />
Ah, perspective, the recurring theme of this blog!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpst5_h2m_-DSzE1mMCKTkgSqjmK4O6HfiZOcmYgZfmOkrqSh6ewmKEP_RzaX2P6HmBCJ7qFnZEZtWvrO2TBG2JJmNeo2mlnnW4m_KeeTUTuGldVWexlfvuQGTRgeYDWYzPdOG/s1600/179687_hi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpst5_h2m_-DSzE1mMCKTkgSqjmK4O6HfiZOcmYgZfmOkrqSh6ewmKEP_RzaX2P6HmBCJ7qFnZEZtWvrO2TBG2JJmNeo2mlnnW4m_KeeTUTuGldVWexlfvuQGTRgeYDWYzPdOG/s200/179687_hi.jpg" width="132" /></a></div>
Today, I'm grateful for clip-in hair extensions. After I lost my job, I spent $20 on clip-in hair of unnatural colors, which I consider one of the best purchases of my life. Even though, logically, I could have clipped in weird hair colors in my off-hours at any point during my career, it was a nice little bit of rebellion for me, about twenty years in the making. (I have always wanted to shave my head, but that has always conflicted with my desire to have mainstream employment. And, in spite of wanting to SHAVE my head, I never wanted to go patchy bald trying to bleach and dye my dark hair a cool unnatural color. Enter clip-ins -- all of the color, none of the conundrum!)Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-62764250485935059992012-12-12T07:37:00.001-05:002012-12-12T08:08:22.059-05:00Dancing Around This TopicOne of the questions that I've had to ask myself lately is whether I would be willing to take a step back, professionally, in order to go forward.<br />
<br />
When I try to think of this outside of a "failure" mindset, I immediately think of doing the Bunny Hop, which, of course, provides some interesting perspective...and definitions are all about perspective.<br />
<br />
Life, like dance, is a progression, rather than a straight line. (Heck, even most line dances have you moving around in a square!) Going backward in a dance isn't bad; it gets you to where you need to be.<br />
<br />
<br />
To change my thinking, I had to remember the other key aspect of dance: choreography. Everything is planned. You don't go backward just to go backward. Every move either coordinates with another person or moves you toward your end goal. Sometimes both.<br />
<br />
The piece in my life that was missing to give me perspective on whether or not I would be willing to take a step back is my choreography. Where do I want to end up? Was I heading in the right direction initially? Should I include more jazz hands?<br />
<br />
My answers were: <i>I don't know</i>,<i> I don't know</i>, and <i>Of course!</i><br />
<br />
So, I gave life evaluation the old college try; I approached my professional appraisal in a similar way to my college selection process. When I was in high school, I wasn't 100% sure what I wanted to do. I knew what my interests were and I knew what I could afford for tuition. I looked at schools that offered the majors that I thought I might want to pursue in the price range that I could afford to give me flexibility.<br />
<br />
My professional equivalent was to look at:<br />
<ol>
<li><b>What I like to do</b> (both as a broad professional field and the specific aspects of my various jobs that I enjoyed);</li>
<li><b>What positions were being advertised by companies and if those positions sounded interesting </b>(is my skill set still relevant? is there education/training I should pursue, or should I "step back" to get skills in a new area of my field? Do I need to re-evaluate my professional field because it's changing?);</li>
<li><b>What my minimum standard of living is</b> (this would truly define how much
I could step back. Financially, I can't go completely to the mail room
and work my way up to the corner office)<br /><br />and, last (because I didn't really consider it until after a discussion with a colleague)</li>
<li><b>What am I good at </b>(which could be different from what I like to do)<br /> </li>
</ol>
<br />
As it turned out, my professional field is changing in a way that suits my interests and my strengths, but not necessarily my current professional skill set. So, there was opportunity to be professionally challenged in a lower level position and become a stronger overall professional asset to an organization. Now with more jazz hands!<br />
<br />
Phase 2 of my review was to target larger companies with openings in my field. These companies (assuming they were a cultural match with me) would give me flexibility to move around based on my interests and strengths as positions came up. <br />
<br />
Interestingly, Phase 2 has been a bit more challenging than Phase 1. Knowing my choreography was important because I have answered almost unfailingly been asked by HR representatives why I want to take a step back. Interestingly, during one interview with a national company, I explained that I was looking for the right corporate fit and the opportunity for growth. The HR representative told me flatly, "There is no upward movement in this company."<br />
<br />
Alrighty, then!<br />
<br />
Admittedly, it has taken a while for me to be able to look at "a step back" in a way that doesn't connote failure. But, at the end of the day, I am not tied to a specific title or a specific office (both can be taken away -- I've had it happen to me!). I<i> am </i>fully vested in being a sought-after industry professional. So, a calculated "step back" isn't a demotion or a failure; it's education paid for by a corporation; it's placing myself in Opportunity's path.<br />
<br />
After all, in the Bunny Hop, the backward hop is immediately followed by three jumps forward.<br />
<br />
I'm grateful today for the wisdom to put myself in Opportunity's path and the confidence to take advantage of opportunities that are presented to me to land me at my end goal.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-74773936112500980772012-12-11T07:47:00.000-05:002012-12-11T07:47:00.277-05:00Fun = Success?One of my biggest life breakthroughs was including "fun" in my definition of "success."<br />
<br />
As I mentioned before, I'm very driven. It is hard to fight my nature to be the best at everything.<br />
<br />
To shift my mindset, I started (and continue to maintain), a list of activities that I engage in with an end goal of "fun" versus "total make-you-run-home-crying-to-your-mom domination."<br />
<br />
That list is:<br />
<ul>
<li>Bowling</li>
<li>Pool/Billiards</li>
<li>Golf</li>
<li>Karaoke </li>
</ul>
(If you expected a longer list, please go back and read paragraph 2)<br />
<br />
All joking aside, there's actually a method to my madness.<br />
<br />
First, yes, I need a list of things I do "just for fun." And, when I get frustrated that I'm not the best or because I'm on the receiving end of competitive trash talk, I remember my list and my goals for engaging in the activity. I remind myself that this is on the "just for fun" list. It's OK to not be the best, as long as I'm having fun. If I'm not having fun, what do I need to do to make the activity fun? (Usually with bowling, it's my Strike Cheer.)<br />
<br />
Second, my list isn't all-inclusive. It is somewhat competitive (or comparative) activities where I have found that my enjoyment of them is easily overshadowed by discouragement by not being the best. They are specific struggle points where, when I <i>am</i> struggling, I can just remind myself that they are "on the list." I have specifically decided that these activities do not warrant the extra practice time or emotional turmoil that comes with not being the best, but wanting to claim that #1 spot. The list is my Life List of Things I Will Not Be The Best At -- By Choice. (A point to note is that I don't necessarily want to be the WORST at these activities -- I recently invested in golf lessons to improve my game, for example -- but I don't want my quest to improve to overshadow my enjoyment of the activities.)<br />
<br />
Realistically, my short list is Things at Which I Want to be #1. Don't tell my perfectionist side that (yet). I understand that I have limited time and energy; I want to devote those resources to areas that mean the most to me. I am still sorting through what those priorities are. To that end, right now in my life, most things have an IMPORTANT stamp next to them. "The List" reminds me that I don't have to be the best at something to enjoy it, and that life should include a fair amount of things that I simply enjoy.<br />
<br />
As I mentioned before, I am trying to define success based on my achievements versus a goal, versus simply comparing myself to others. If I'm having fun at something that I enjoy, but don't want to excel at, then I'm achieving my "success" goal.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKCWyIjO2U-7T8TKwRAKP4rwMnOyD_v5ynOX_WV8tXjrxHhDcj2mrJlH01XP4s1JsqGTIpsymwtiP-xs8zd2rBSNp8Y0IX08TEIPwRS2UPkkzy-JvkF7wCbpn0dzymp9nRMHU0/s1600/IMG174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKCWyIjO2U-7T8TKwRAKP4rwMnOyD_v5ynOX_WV8tXjrxHhDcj2mrJlH01XP4s1JsqGTIpsymwtiP-xs8zd2rBSNp8Y0IX08TEIPwRS2UPkkzy-JvkF7wCbpn0dzymp9nRMHU0/s200/IMG174.jpg" width="150" /></a>Today, I'm grateful for these funky socks that I picked up. I seem to have a knack for finding weird owl-wear during the Christmas season. They were a pleasant surprise in the pack of socks that I bought.<br />
<br />Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-51172655521188379992012-12-10T05:30:00.000-05:002012-12-10T05:30:01.772-05:00WowLast night I saw <i>The Amazing Race</i> history: a team that hadn't won any legs of the race, a team that was one of the last finishers on almost every leg (I think every one except the last one) -- won the game.<br />
<br />
The team won because when it was presented with opportunities, it took them. And the team had a lucky break at one point in the race when the two team members both seemed ready to give up. That break recharged them and helped them refocus on their end goal.<br />
<br />
It's a good lesson, and one that I've seen played out in my own life. Professionally, I've had things happen because I've been in the right place at the right time, and have been ready to take advantage of the opportunities.<br />
<br />
Of course, I think it's easier for people (me included) to remember the times when things didn't work out more easily than the times when they did. It's easy to get discouraged and want to quit early. However, as last night's <i>TAR</i> demonstrated, if you quit early, you could give up some really handsome rewards.<br />
<br />
Today I'm grateful that I<i> </i>was able to see the entire finale of <i>TAR</i> tonight, that it wasn't delayed by a football game and finished at an ungodly hour because I really appreciated that reminder to take advantage of the opportunities that I'm given and to not give up until the end of the race (metaphorically speaking).Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-81532754278831708962012-12-09T06:44:00.000-05:002012-12-09T06:44:00.369-05:00If you had access to a time machine, would you change your life?A friend and I engage in a what-if game from time to time:<br />
<br />
<i>If you had access to a time machine, would you go back and "do over" something in your life?</i><br />
<br />
Both of us engage in fanciful thinking: Yes, of course, I'd go back to X and change Y.<br />
<i> </i><br />
I find two things when I play that game, though:<br />
<i></i><br />
1) I can never go back far enough. I start with something within the last 10 years, then realize I would rather change something in the last 20. Pretty soon, I'm back to conception stage. And then, the inevitable, "What if my parents had never met? What if I were the combination of two other people?"<br />
<br />
2) I am who I am today because of all of those things that I would like to do over. How boring would I be if I never made mistakes? Even changing something as benign as "I wish I had never made that stock investment" means that, instead of making a $500 mistake putting money into an industry and company that I knew very little about, I could make a $10,000 or $100,000 (or more) mistake later. And who knows what problems I might be dealing with today if I went back in time and bought Apple or Google at their lows? (Granted, I think I'd be willing to roll the bones and try to deal with those problems)<br />
<br />
Ultimately, my "do overs" are all based on me wanting to impart current wisdom on my past self. Wisdom, I realize, that usually came from the same experience that I would want to do over. <br />
<br />
Perhaps one of the most humbling experiences of my life was signing myself into a treatment facility for an eating disorder. My parents tried to hospitalize me. They couldn't because I was a legal adult. To get help, I had to sign
myself into the hospital. I did it, not to get help, but to get away
from my family. At the time, I rationalized that suffering through art
therapy would be easier than living with my family trying to keep me
from my addiction.<br />
<br />
Regardless of my rationale, the paperwork I had to sign (which I read, because you should always read any legal document that you are signing) stated that I acknowledged that I was unable to care for myself. Other papers listed a variety of personal freedoms that I agreed to give up to receive treatment. I almost didn't sign because I felt that my signature under those statements would be legal proof of my failure as a human being. I wasn't sure if suffering through art therapy were worth agreeing to publicly acknowledge that fact.<br />
<br />
Except, as with most things change-related, it was a very painful choice that resulted in a much better quality of life for me. <br />
<br />
My perfectionism had made me very myopic. The entire world became pass-fail. Through my disorder, I viewed myself on the "fail" side. Instead of looking at my strengths, I concentrated on my weaknesses. Instead of looking at what I value and what I want to accomplish, I looked at how I compared to others in very surface areas, like academic success and physical fitness.<br />
<br />
Going through treatment set me on the path to be the person I am today: someone who is much more well-rounded, more empathetic (perhaps too much so at this point), and more laid back.<br />
<br />
None of those things happened immediately after my two weeks of treatment, but none of them would have happened without it.<br />
<br />
As I wrote before, I'm still who I am at the core. Some things can never be changed. I will always be a "perfectionist." For me, at base, "perfectionism" means that I am driven to succeed.<br />
<br />
My definition of success has changed. I've eliminated the majority of my "pass-fail" mentality. Instead of measuring myself against others, I measure my actions against my goals. If I "win," others don't have to "lose." In fact, life is better
when you can celebrate success with others. I consider increasing my knowledge to be a measure of success. Instead of fearing not being the best my first time out, I recognize the knowledge that is learned when I try to master something new. I've also added "fun" as an indicator of success. The ol' "it's not how you win or lose; it's how you play the game."<br />
<br />
Today I am grateful for perspective, for the ability to see all aspects of a situation, which would not be possible without the change experiences that I've gone through in my life.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-81146085427347186352012-12-07T05:18:00.000-05:002012-12-07T05:18:15.958-05:00Meditation TechniquesFor a while, I have noticed that my ability to focus has diminished. It is now at a distractingly low level.<br />
<br />
I have trouble not thinking about things that bother or stress me and I have trouble pushing those things out of my mind when I have no productive resolution to them. That is to say, I don't mind focusing on a problem when I'm thinking of SOLUTIONS, but I don't want to focus on a problem only to remind myself of how much it is stressing me out.<br />
<br />
I've been working with a coach on centering, but, to be honest, his technique of sitting, breathing and developing awareness of my body starting with my feet and working up takes too long.<br />
<br />
I caught some special programming on PBS during a pledge drive that talked about "walking meditation." The idea is that you walk and just focus on your feet hitting the ground. This technique sounds like it could work for me. When I am stressed, I need to be active. Sitting around, right now, simply gives me more time to be agitated. I do enjoy yoga, but, at times, I end up too distracted to have a mindful practice.<br />
<br />
So, I'm going to give walking meditation a go and use it to help me bring back my focus.<br />
<br />
At this point, I'm not interested in exploring the root cause of WHY my focus has diminished. I can't easily pinpoint a reason, but I can pinpoint a solution. If the root cause is still something in my life, I have no doubt that, once I regain focus, it will attempt to distract me again. If that happens, I'll be more aware of the problem and better able, at that point, to remove or reduce the cause in my life.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-20357673737177030362012-12-05T08:28:00.000-05:002012-12-05T08:28:00.612-05:00Roll with the ChangesChange is hard. Uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
But, do you know what's more uncomfortable for me? Seeing people who have never changed.<br />
<br />
I believe that there is a core of you that you can't really change. That's "you." It's what you may need to create adaptations for, or change your thinking about. But, I also believe that your core is very, very small.<br />
<br />
For example, I can't change that I'm 5'3. Neither can my mother, as much as she would tease me for being short. I didn't buy petite clothing for over a decade because I didn't want to acknowledge that I'm short.<br />
<br />
Except...I am. I can't change it!<br />
<br />
I could change my thinking, though. Ultimately, clothing is not about the size label; it's about the fit. So, I started buying (petite) clothes that fit me. I told my mother that I am sensitive to being teased about my height (which she subsequently teased me about). After about a year of changing my attitude and my purchase habits, a new norm emerged: I wear petite clothes. And my mom actually looks for petite things for me. It's not 100% perfect (nor is it just my mother who finds it HILARIOUS to joke about the height disparity between other family members and me; apparently it's a "great" ice breaker for professional photographers as well), but the teasing has been reduced enough that I can tolerate the once-in-a-while wisecracks.<br />
<br />
In my life, I've had my mettle tested numerous times. I go through the uncomfortable change zone at least once every five years.<br />
<br />
Seeing people who appear to never have changed (I've met a handful in my professional life) are a bit of a curiosity to me. These people seem to want the situation to adjust to them, versus the opposite, and seem a bit flummoxed when they keep getting the same unsatisfactory result from situations.<br />
<br />
I admit, from time to time I am envious of people who can stay constant. When I'm in the middle of a period of change, the thought of living a life without pain or challenge seems peaceful. I forget that it also results in an unfulfilled life.<br />
<br />
The people I know who have resisted change seem terminally unhappy in specific aspects of their lives. Someone is "out to get them." Life is "unfair." And, nothing changes.<br />
<br />
It appears to me that when you fight change, you have limited opportunity for positive things to happen in your life. If you're thrown into a sea of opportunity, you can either keep trying to float on the top or you can sink to the bottom. Floating is work, but if you don't put in the work, it is more difficult to recognize when the rewards come your way.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm grateful that I pushed myself during a very challenging spin class and kept up for most of the class. The class format requires you to keep pretty significant tension on your bike throughout the workout, and maintain a minimum speed of 80 rpm. I found it interesting that, while at times this challenge (moderate-high tension and maintaining 80 rpm) seemed difficult, when the instructor invited us to increase tension AND speed (rpms) during parts of the workout, suddenly moderate-high tension and 80 rpm didn't seem so tough. I actually looked forward to what I had dreaded just 15 minutes earlier!<br />
<br />
The human body does not give accurate measurements. Difficulty is a fluid measure. Once I was introduced to something more challenging than what I was doing before, the return to my former challenge felt like a respite from work. So it is with life. Because of the challenges that I've been through, I'm able to handle more challenges and be less stressed when old ones re-present themselves.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-76221301528975068152012-12-03T08:19:00.000-05:002012-12-05T05:43:47.525-05:00Beauty and the BeastI was dancing with my niece when she announced that I was "the Beast" and she was "Belle."<br />
<br />
I was immediately offended and then a bit offended by my initial reaction.<br />
<br />
I would have been any other male character, but I didn't want to be the Beast because he's ugly. Which is, of course, the exact OPPOSITE point of the story.<br />
<br />
(To be fair, my 3-year-old niece only looked at the height disparity, as the reason why, to recreate the Beauty & the Beast waltz scene, I needed to be the Beast. A disparity, I'm compelled to point out, which may only last a few more years.)<br />
<br />
To my initial point...<br />
<br />
Once I got over my initial "are you saying I'm not pretty?!?!?!" revulsion, I realized that the Beast does embody some attributes that I appreciate: he's kind; he's protective of the beings that he loves.<br />
<br />
He also has superhuman beast strength, which, when coupled with a "ROAR!!!" seemed to justify to my niece why I had to pick her up and carry her to nap time/potty time etc.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-15930327140004801352012-12-01T07:23:00.000-05:002012-12-01T07:23:25.940-05:00Better Late than...I can never start that adage without picturing the scene from <i>The Golden Girls</i> where Rue McClanahan, as Blanche, completes it with an emphatic, "PREGNANT!"<br />
<br />
Veracity of that statement aside, I am writing about "Better Late than Never."<br />
<br />
I'm a perfectionist and it's biting me in the ass.<br />
<br />
Growing up, I didn't want to try anything that I wasn't good at. I didn't consider the possibility of people seeing me fail; I didn't want them to see me be "not good."<br />
<br />
Looking back on life after a few decades of experience, I see that my original methodology was a bit flawed. I missed opportunities. Some I may not realize. Some I may not recapture.<br />
<br />
But, I'm trying. Step by step.<br />
<br />
My mindset began its evolution when I was in high school. I worked in customer service. With the advent of social media, you can now get my 3 summers of education in one perusal of Facebook<i>:</i><br />
<br />
<i>Whatever you are about to say/do is probably not the most ridiculous thing I've heard/witnessed all day.</i><br />
<br />
How liberating.<br />
<br />
Thank you, woman who argued with me over the address of my workplace because it was "Building in a Shopping Plaza, Shopping Plaza" versus "123 Anywhere Street."<br />
<br />
Thank you, one-toothed man who felt the need to justify his purchase of Kodiak chewing tobacco by saying that it was his-dentist-recommended for dental hygiene.<br />
<br />
Thank you, woman who wanted me to write "Happy birthday and best wishes for the coming years, Rebecca" on a six-inch diameter bakery cake.<br />
<br />
I started slowly, with areas that I was already comfortable in, but needed more empowerment. Asserting myself with grades, assignments, paperwork, purchase disputes.<br />
<br />
Now, I'm tackling the social issues. Dance classes, golf, talking to strangers. <br />
<br />
Admittedly, sometimes I feel like the fresh-out-of-8th-grade freshman trying to navigate high school all over again. I'm learning what I feel like everyone already knows. I'm taking failures as an adult that most people have hurdled as teens. <br />
<br />
But, better late than never.<br />
<br />
Heck, Day 1 of learning to tap dance as an adult was the perfect storm
of my worst fears: I was the only person who had never tap danced
before, ever, AND I sucked, AND I sucked in front of a crowd. But that
was Day 1. Day 2, I got better. And by the end of 10 weeks, I was
dancing better than the women who had taken tap as kids.<br />
<br />
Also, I realize that part of this is the perfectionist in me talking. I've met plenty of people my age or older who share my struggles. I've also met people who are too scared to take the first leap into change.<br />
<br />
In the words of Ian Fleming (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Never say 'no' to adventure. Always say 'yes' otherwise you'll lead a very dull life. </blockquote>
<br />
Today, I'm grateful for my past struggles and the perspective that they've given me to tackle future challenges. I know that the discomfort of change is temporary, but the results are permanent.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-17768424781791744362012-11-30T20:12:00.001-05:002012-11-30T20:13:37.319-05:00Inspiration in the Oddest PlacesInteresting perspective from an article in <i>Golf Digest</i>.<br />
<br />
I was reading a short article by Adam Hergenrother - "<a href="http://www.golfdigest.com/magazine/2012-12/golf-saved-my-life-adam-hergenrother" target="_blank">The Game Gave Me the Focus I Needed</a>" - and was struck by an observation toward the end of the article:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I began writing a daily "gratitude" diary for my wife, essentially a few
sentences expressing my love and appreciation that I presented to her
at the end of the year. Just as you gain muscle memory through practice,
this regular act of reminding myself how lucky I am strengthens my
soul.
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<br /></div>
</blockquote>
I think it makes sense that the more that you practice positive thinking, the easier it will be for you to be positive.<br />
<br />
My ultimate goal for 2013 is satisfaction (I guess I'm not shooting for happiness yet, just contentment), and I'm going to start trying to note on a regular basis things that a) are good in my life; b) make me happy; and/or c) I'm lucky to have in my life.<br />
<br />
A couple of gratitude reminders for today:<br />
1) I feel like a rock star because I'm currently being followed on Pinterest (all boards) by a major fashion designer! Unsolicited (with the exception of one evening of me pinning a ton of stuff on Black Friday to my Fashion Wish Board from the designer's site). I'm curious (and still researching) how the designer is using Pinterest (I did confirm that I'm being followed by the actual corporate board and not a designer fan page). It's exciting to think that what I think is cool might be used to develop future trends. And it's weird to think that people at a major designer, this evening, will be seeing my Christmas candle recommendations to my followers and a recipe that I want to try for "taco cupcakes." Sounds like the building blocks of a <i>Project Runway </i>fashion challenge!<br />
<br />
2) I did marketing for a non-profit to assist with a one-day giving event and -- it worked! I was one part of a team, but I can see how my contribution with the social media strategy of the campaign helped improve results over what could have happened (based anecdotally on other non-profits that, I'm assuming, didn't do the same type of promotion). It's awesome to see the finally see the results of what I put into the campaign.<br />
<br />
To be fair, I also see what I could have done better if I were in charge, versus just providing consulting and copywriting, and it's a bit frustrating (because I'm a perfectionist). But, this project was about proving the benefits of social media to the non-profit board, and my contribution definitely helped that happen. Next year, if this campaign continues, can be about kicking ass and taking names.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-14544241165040070422012-11-29T08:18:00.000-05:002012-11-29T08:18:25.098-05:00TestingI hate to be Brokeback Mountain about it, but I guess I just can't quit my blog.<br />
<br />
I would like it to be more of an inspirational writing spot for me because what I need right now is reminders that, to quote a line from one of my favorite movies, "Life always matters...very much."<br />
<br />
To that end, I'm not sure how frequently I'll be posting.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQKufo7CThFLzjWjExOd62ilrNwMNfQ_7pYndlF1OCnMVnFKolz-zSb5oDhubD5L498yremtos7GfuLPYHOYU5VenANXdp2PgNb7iaE9FhonZcmIirt5YFrujVfaInDqpNjaqq/s1600/ornament.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQKufo7CThFLzjWjExOd62ilrNwMNfQ_7pYndlF1OCnMVnFKolz-zSb5oDhubD5L498yremtos7GfuLPYHOYU5VenANXdp2PgNb7iaE9FhonZcmIirt5YFrujVfaInDqpNjaqq/s200/ornament.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
I started a tradition with my Christmas tree when I took it down in January of this year. I have ornaments that open (the Korbel ornament, pictured to the right). Inside, you are supposed to put wishes for the new year.<br />
<br />
I was tentative about the process, and put down a very vague intention: <i>I would like 2012 to be better than 2011.</i><br />
<br />
Yeah, so far...um...on the surface, 2012 is not working out to be better than 2011. I'm sure most people are familiar with the feeling: just when you think you can't handle any more crap being dumped on you, more crap rains down.<br />
<br />
I guess the interesting thing is, though, I realized this morning that I'm actually GLAD that I'm going through a lot of bad things this year. It means that next year, if I have a similar vague intention, I should have a better 2013. I don't see how it could get much worse.<br />
<br />
Truly, I am going through a rebuilding year. It is a year where I am laying the groundwork for positive changes in my life. This year sucks great big monkey balls, but I know that it will be a year that I will look back on in the future and say that it was the start of a turnaround for me. Because, honestly, what I've encountered in the last six <i>months</i> of this year is a fast band-aid rip of awful compared to the past six <i>years</i> of my life.<br />
<br />
You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone -- and that goes for the bad as well as the good. I didn't realize how bad the last six years were until I didn't have to deal with them anymore. I'm still learning how to deal with the world as I used to, versus how I'd been conditioned to over the past six years.<br />
<br />
I recognize that I'm in a growth phase of my life. From past experience, I know that they always suck, but are worth the tears, the pain and the change.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20306864.post-64072813194969956092012-06-09T07:18:00.001-04:002012-06-09T07:20:37.531-04:00ObituaryI didn't want to leave you with a "dead blog." Or, at least, not a dead blog without a proper obituary.<br />
<br />
Thank you for following me, reading and commenting over the years.<br />
<br />
Right now, I have a lot going on. Right now, I'm dealing with that through private journaling.<br />
<br />
I may be back. I may not.<br />
<br />
If you follow me through other channels, I'm more active on those channels. I'm not using them to discuss The Big Issue(s), but I throw out a lighthearted quip now and again.Madamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00950545751985362700noreply@blogger.com1